Monday, October 18, 2010

Disappearing act...

Sorry I have been absent for so long I just can't seem to pull it together...

This month is our 2 year anniversary since my husband passed away.  Things are just so hard.  I think that I have unintentionally set myself up for disaster but I figure if only 1 whole month a year I am a total wreck I am doing ok.  This grieving thing is just so hard.  It is hit or miss and sometimes things come at me out of left field.... The unexpected waves of intense sadness are so hard.

For example we were at the circus with friends Saturday night and I remembered how Shane used to do some kind of ear popping thing and in the midst of ALL OF THE FUN, I broke out in tears.  Those are the times that make everything seem real and those are the hardest times for me.  It also doesn't help that these brief moments in time scare the hell out of my children. I try to hide it - but more than not I usually am not that good at it.

 Hopefully I will be back with a reflective post soon.  Until then....