Disappearing act...

Sorry I have been absent for so long I just can't seem to pull it together...

This month is our 2 year anniversary since my husband passed away.  Things are just so hard.  I think that I have unintentionally set myself up for disaster but I figure if only 1 whole month a year I am a total wreck I am doing ok.  This grieving thing is just so hard.  It is hit or miss and sometimes things come at me out of left field.... The unexpected waves of intense sadness are so hard.

For example we were at the circus with friends Saturday night and I remembered how Shane used to do some kind of ear popping thing and in the midst of ALL OF THE FUN, I broke out in tears.  Those are the times that make everything seem real and those are the hardest times for me.  It also doesn't help that these brief moments in time scare the hell out of my children. I try to hide it - but more than not I usually am not that good at it.

 Hopefully I will be back with a reflective post soon.  Until then....

African Flower Hexagon Baby Blanket Complete

PHEW!!!!!!!!!!  That was insane!!  I worked on this project for a long few months and never thought I would finish.  Thank goodness I did finish just in time, ( like just a few hours) before the baby shower this past Sunday.  Momma loved it and I liked being the only person there giving a handmade item.  Seriously I spent months on this blanket and with every stitch I prayed and wished amazing things for this sweet little girl that we haven't even met yet.  Other than time spent, with every stitch there is love, hope and happiness woven into that blanket that you can't get when you hurriedly run into a store to grab items last minute for a baby shower.  I am so proud to have actually completed my first actual gift and can't wait to get busy on the rest.

Here are a few pictures of the finished product!!!

Congrats and good luck friends on your precious baby girl's arrival in late October!!!


I find out in about an hour and a half what my best friend will be having in the early spring so here we go again!!!!  So EXCITED!!!!!!!!!

Fall is in the air...

I bought a mum the size of a shrub yesterday.  I was puttering around a local nursery here in St. Louis looking at the regular sized mums and honestly was somewhat disappointed.  As I turned and walked back to my car, I thought my eyes were deceiving me.  I saw a mum that would eventually FILL the back of my Expedition completely!  It is amazing...

Don't believe me - take a look.

And, little guy is in there purely for reference... As you can see he is none to excited to be standing barefoot in our barren wasteland of a front flower bed...

I am so excited for it to bloom into an amazing purple hue!!  Seriously I am so lame.  But this is as exciting as it gets around here...

WELCOME FALL!!!!!!!!!

All aboard the craft train to crafty town...

I have to admit - I am not one to ride the train to crafty town very often... Although I aspire to be a great crafter.... Alas, I am too lazy!!  TV, internet, kids suck me into the vortex and I look up and suddenly realize it is 4PM and I haven't gotten anything accomplished... Oh look, it is 10 til 4 right now.... Oh well, another day down the drain...

So anyway, I saw this great tutorial(ish) over at Less Than Perfect Life of Bliss blog and decided I needed to untangle my necklaces and make one of these suckers... I found this great frame, nasty picture inside at the thrift the other day for 3 buckaroos!!!  It was a great frame with lots of cool ridges and a neat border of burlap!!  Gorgeous!!  I had some Anna Maria Horner fabric laying around and wanted to look at it all the time.  I figured if I use it for this project it would be on permanent display in my bathroom, so take that!  BAM!!  Now don't get me wrong there are TONS OF THINGS I would do differently next time, but for the first go around I am pretty proud if I do say so myself!!!  

Take a little look see...

Ummmmm, so tragic...

Great ridges and burlap detail....

Voila!!!  I like it!!!  Don't you??

Fabric is fantastic... Love it too!!

Two of my favorites... Vintage necklaces and owls!!!

In it's permanent home, the master bath take one..

All loaded up!!!  YAY!!!  And still room for more!!

Love this feather necklace...

This gorgeous crystal skeleton key necklace was a gift from a great friend and designer... Who, you ask?  Why visit Allyson @ Buffalo Blue Designs or her Etsy shop .  I love, love, loveeee her and her designs!!

Oh and you wonder where I got this super cute crochet flower pin... Why my girls over @ Muggy Tuesday . They are awesome too!!  Such super sweet girls!!  You might even notice the cute maroon flower necklace in there - it is from them too!!!  YAY!!

So there it is... My first pain staking ride to craft town, it was fun and I actually love it... Thanks to   Julie @ Less Than Perfect Life of Blissfor the inspiration and showing little ole me how to make it!! Head on over there and see her great tutorial!!  

GO BUY IT NOW!!!!!!!!

All of the proceeds will benefit  Smith Magenis Syndrome research...  This is a "kid-jam" CD and it is awesome!!  My kids love it already, and so do I ... And it benefits such a great cause... Please check out Pacing The Panic Room's blog to read more about it... Such a great, fantastic, worth while cause... Enjoy!!  

Hit or miss?

I crocheted this today and think it is pretty cute... Just curious what you guys think?  Let me have it... 

Hit or Miss?

I think it would be super cute with a plain white t and jeans.... What do you think?

I heart my mom...

She is awesome!!  I remember being little and her dragging me all over to garage sales, flea markets, etc...  Unfortunately, I hated every minute of it.  But now that I love thrifting and finding treasures I cherish those memories as tragic as they were.  Now, every time we get together we are first in line when the doors open to our favorite thrift stores or garage sales.  It is a great time that we can share doing something we both love...  It is so fun to find things together and discuss what their original purpose was, wonder what the story of each item is... I love it. 

 Recently, on a trip to TN to visit my parents I confided in her how much I wanted, pined for, drooled over vintage pull down style school maps.  I told her how I loved them as a child in school - the colors, hearing them slap against the ceiling as they were put away after lessons.  Anywho, mom has been substitute teaching as of late, since she was let-go from her job of 25 years a couple years ago.  I told her to snoop around and see if she could find any.  

Guess what, today she came through for me.  Good old mom, they always do come through in the end, don't they?  Here are a few pics I was excited to find in my inbox this afternoon... And mind you, these were with the mops in the janitor's closet waiting to be trashed, all 3 of them... LOVE.THEM.AND.LOVE.HER.MORE!!!!!!  YAY!!!!!

I can't wait to see these hanging in my basement where the kids have a play area!!!!!  So exited!!!

Thanks mom!!!!  You are awesome!!! 

Peach Pickin'

A few weeks ago, the next door neighbors who we have been adopted by, invited us to go to the farm and pick peaches, blackberries and veggies!!  We trekked over to a cute "non-commercialized" family owned farm over in Illinois.  It was so H-O-T, but so much fun!!!  The boys had a blast and their favorite part was feeding the sweet little goats!!!  My favorite part was eating the home made peach cobbler that my mom cooked when she got here the following day!!  Oh and the home made mixed berry jam made by our sweet adopted next door grandma!!!  YUM!!! 

Family Fun

A couple weeks ago the boys and I (along with my mom) went to see the Cardinals play. It was BAA night at the park which meant that little RT got to parade around the field with the rest of his little league baseball team before the game! He has so much fun!!

I had one of the staff take this shot of the boys and I. Last time we went to a game here I was pregnant with little WT and Rt was just a baby and their daddy was still around. So we had a picture taken in the same exact spot as last time..... We had a new family member and had lost a family member... Things are always so bittersweet in life, aren't they?

Lazy summer days....

A fun trip to the local craft supply store and a few dollars later we are having at least an hour of fun today if I have any say about it.

As the boys were saying - "Painting is relaxing!"  And it kept them quiet for longer than an hour.  I think it is the best $4 I have spent in a while... I will for sure make this a weekly occurance...  YAY, for small victories!!!  My sanity thanks me!!!! 

Phew...

Summer is becoming a doozy, for me at least... Gone are the heaven sent 3 hour preschool breaks for mommy.  Gosh I miss those 3 hour windows a couple of days a week that I so much need to decompress from the kids.  I need my reset button.  I so desperately need that stinkin' reset button. 

Most days my life feels like groundhog day.  With no one coming home "after work" to break up the monotony, it is just one neverending day after the other.  Not much adult interaction and absolutely NO alone time (bathroom included) I just feel like my head is going to explode.  I know I need to just chill out, chillax, but I am having a hard time refocusing my psyche to get to that point.  It has to happen before I get to that stomping, crying, throwing my hands up thing because I think I scare the kids when I am puddling in the floor crying.  As strange as it may seem, once I do get that out of my system, maybe once every couple/few months I feel so much better.  Kind of renewed, cleansed, whatever you want to call it. 

I find that "year 2" is much harder than the 1st year since Shane has been gone.  I have heard before that this may be the case and by golly it is so far coming true.  I think now that things have calmed down and the shock has worn off for many that now most people not directly linked to our family have somewhat forgotten, or choose not to think of our loss anymore.  Isn't it odd after the storm how no one seems to remember except those whose homes were destroyed by the tornado?  Whose lives were and still are being changed forever, for better or worse.  I find I am slowly forgetting things, yet not one day goes by that I don't think of him.  The razor sharp memories are gone and replaced with dull throbbing painful memories that seem dreamlike.  I tend to wonder what parallel life I am living and whose life is this? 

Days, weeks, months, and now years are going by.  The boys are getting older, going through some pretty major milestone without their dad and it breaks my heart in a billion pieces.  But they are surviving, growing inside and out and hopefully becoming stronger, braver, more independant for that very reason.  We talk about their dad everyday and what he liked, disliked, how proud he would be, what he would do different or the same, where he is now, where we are all going to go when we leave this earth and how do we get there?  We are becoming better people because of this tragedy as most do, but it doesn't help the part where we all miss him like crazy. 

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!

Just because most of our days feel like this.... 

or this...

or this...

I just love when they end like this... 

or this... 

To all the moms out there I just want to say Happy Mother's Day, because being a mom is the hardest emotional, physical and mentally taxing job in the entire world... Sometimes showers, eating and even using the bathroom gets put on the back burner to take care of these little munchkins.  BUT, it is all so well worth it.  The cuddles and kisses are the best pay a mom could ever ask for. 

(kisses to you and you!!)

So enjoy today, although it isn't much different than any other day beside the fact it is the one time a year society forces everyone to slow down and just saw thanks (out loud for a change) to all us moms!!! Because we do like to be noticed right?  Even if we do have throw up and poop on our shirts... :) 

    

View from my chair...

As I sit here crocheting I just wanted to share my little snippet view of the world... I love it and hope you do too!!!  

And a view of the front of the house...  Lots of hard work has gone into this.... 

Have a great rest of the week.... 

Floored...

Around 11 this morning my handyman called and said he would be right over.  I waited and wondered what he was talking about, I hadn't called him.  He is a little scatter brained sometimes so I just patiently waited on him to arrive to see what he had in store for me today... Little did I know that we would be ripping and pulling and screaming and bent over all day long.  You see in August of last year, the very first time I had him come over we discussed pulling up some stinky carpet in my new house.   AUGUST of 2009.  And he came over today unannounced to do just that.  Granted he has been in and out of my home taking care of small and LARGE emergencies, but I guess today he had a quiet day and decided it was time to get rid of those stinky carpets. 

While I knew there were (hopefully) original hardwoods under the carpets I also knew the previous owners had used the formal living room area as a dog pen.  A very fancy dog pen.  After living in my new home a month or so I began to be able to smell the carpets as she had them cleaned right before putting the house on the market.  Finally the smells had begun to come back around.  They weren't overpowering but still I could still smell it... 

We pulled up the carpet and the carpet pads were disgusting.  Let's just say it was a lot worse than I had expected.  There were stains, very bad stains ALL.OVER.THE.FLOOR.  It was at this point that I thought we had just made a HUGE mistake.  Once we had all the carpet rolled up and out the door, I double triple crossed my fingers and legs that we would find something "decent" under the pads.  And OMGosh we found immaculate original wood floors... Gorgeous wood floors... I was floored by the floors...  No stains on the wood at all.  AMAZING is the only word I can use to describe it.

Next up the stairs... I also "thought" the stairs going up to the second level were going to be pretty but I was amazed that the actual treads were real wood and the "kick" portions were cream... I am in love.  IN LOVE with the floors and they aren't even cleaned all the way, painted or trimmed out properly yet... I can't wait... 

More after photos later!! 

New work...

Here is a sneak peak at something fun I just started today... I think it is going to turn out beautifully!!!  I can't wait to see it all come together.. 

(thank you cell phone for crappy picture quality... believe me it is so pretty!!)

14.

My oldest son turned 14 yesterday....

I know what you are thinking - wow, March was a busy month for you, but honestly it was June.. (wink, wink)... OK all kidding aside I cannot believe that my baby is 14.  He has grown so much this past year it is almost unbelieveable...

We have been through so much together that sometimes I just feel so proud of the way he handles himself in the face of such great adversities in life.  He is a real trooper... He is pretty funny if you can peel him away from the computer and/or video games... He makes friends easier than anyone else I know and he is an all around good guy.  Although he fights like crazy with his two littler brothers I know it is all just for fun, even if it drives me insane... So here is to another good year before he heads out onto the road and one more year as my baby...

Love ya HMac!!!

5

Well this is 2 days late... My middle boy turned a whole hand on Tuesday.... He is now 5... And he is so excited, just like his little brother was, the birthday week and month is full of excitement...  While he will surely one day kill.me.dead for the above picture.  I had to blog it because this is how he always looks.  Finger in the nose and with the ever so slight look in his eye that he is just on the verge of running away at all times... He is so busy and sweet all at the same time.  He is my rambunctious boy, but is just as sweet as honey on the tip of a bear's nose too....

He is the all American boy.  Just like his daddy was... Loves, eats, breathes, sleeps, walks, talks, anything and everything SPORTS!!  He is a natural and with the right encouragement I think he will absolutely EXCEL in any and every sport there is... He starts T-ball this year and he starts kindergarten this year. 

He has a full year of exciting things happening and I truly wish his best friend (his daddy) was here to see him.  I sometimes still catch little Reid talking to his daddy when he thinks I am not listening and even when he knows I am listening.  I don't mind it so much and sometimes I join in on the conversation.  I just want him to know that his dadddy loved him so much and that his daddy's world revolved around him during his time on Earth...

So...

HAPPY 5TH BIRTHDAY LITTLE GUY!!! 

You are so awesome, you make me laugh everyday and I love your neck crushing hugs and super sloppy wet kisses... Keep 'em coming...