If I would spend as much time updating this blog as I do reading other people's blogs it would be insane. I seriously spend around 3-4 hours a day just clicking away and trying to get inspired to be more creative.
You see, I have a huge issue. I feel like now that I am staying home I am not as productive as I am when I work. I also feel like since Shane passed, things that used to be important, like the floor being swept, vaccum being ran, etc., just don't seem so important anymore. So, laziness takes over and I am left feeling like I just do not contribute AT ALL. My house stays in a semi-shambles state. I cook, only sometimes... I clean, only sometimes... Heck sometimes I don't take a shower for days. I just cannot get out of this funk. It sometimes feels like I am living in this huge surreal dream... Days and days pass that I just sit, sit and do nothing... I MEAN DAYS... I do not "feel" depressed, I just feel useless and so out of control that it seems I just *almost* don't care anymore. I do what I can to get by. This makes me feel so unproductive. HENCE, I have decided to pick up a hobby.
That hobby is KNITTING. I loved to cross stitch as a little girl, I made enough friendship bracelets to circle the Earth 2 or 3 times, my maternal grandmother taught me how to crochet (kind of) and my paternal grandmother used to quilt and make her clothes. Those are the kinds of things I am interested in. I can use my hands and my brain, whilst I just sit, and at the end of the day I have something to SHOW for it. Instead of the big bucket of nothingness I feel like I have been ending up with every day so far. I made myself a super chunky cowl last week and have had great compliments on it.. I am now making my middle son a thinner cowl that wraps a couple times and will be putting his initials in felt on it later tomorrow.
I just want to contribute to this world in one way or another. I am not ready to volunteer just yet as I can't seem not to cry every time I see someone hurting in a way that reminds me of my hurts.... And I can only play with my children so much everyday. I just feel like I am losing myself and hoping with all my heart I can find myself again. And if this helps so be it.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Dinner with Friends.
Two of my very best friends (inherited best friends) birthday's are today!! So, last night I hosted a super Taco Night Tuesday to celebrate their birthday's. There were 6 adults, 1 teenager and 6 toddlers/preschoolers at my place last night and it couldn't have been more fun if you would have thrown a barrel of aardvarks in the mix... I made cupcakes (chocolate and yellow) and a huge pot of taco meat with all the fixin's... It was delicious!! Almost everyone, including the kiddos, had seconds. And for me, that is a huge success.. If you can get kids - especially preschoolers - to eat seconds it is a phenomenal success in my books.
Needless to say, I love being back in St. Louis. We are finally getting settled in and getting used to life off of the range, and it couldn't be going any better. I love that our friends are close and that we can do nights like last night. I love that my kids have other kids that they can grow up with whose dad's are (were) best friends with their late father. I am so blessed to have adult men in this world that will help me to raise these boys, who so desperately need a good example of what a father and man is supposed to be like. And who better than men that were hand picked by my husband, to help me raise them if they can't have their biological father on this Earth. We really are so blessed and I am so thankful to all of these men for stepping up and making a positive thing out of something so horrible for these kids... I love them all so much!!!
Needless to say, I love being back in St. Louis. We are finally getting settled in and getting used to life off of the range, and it couldn't be going any better. I love that our friends are close and that we can do nights like last night. I love that my kids have other kids that they can grow up with whose dad's are (were) best friends with their late father. I am so blessed to have adult men in this world that will help me to raise these boys, who so desperately need a good example of what a father and man is supposed to be like. And who better than men that were hand picked by my husband, to help me raise them if they can't have their biological father on this Earth. We really are so blessed and I am so thankful to all of these men for stepping up and making a positive thing out of something so horrible for these kids... I love them all so much!!!
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Still here...
...why yes I am!! I know some of you are stopping by to see how we are and if I am OK? Well the fact of the matter is that we are doing fine, and yes I am OK, I am still alive right. I will post more on the pressing issue of my husband passing away at some other time, when I feel like I can handle writing about it. Now is still not the time for me emotionally based on below facts:
1. Halloween was super hard.
2. Wedding Anniversary was hard.
3. Thanksgiving was hard.
4. Christmas is going to be very hard.
5. Shane's 33rd birthday he isn't going to see is going to be hard.
With that said, I am doing the best I know how to keep functioning... Using my sometimes insane sense of humor to be the best mom I know how to be for my children... And missing him like hell everyday. The old saying, "One day at a time" is very applicable right now. Thank you everyone so much for the prayers and continued well wishes and positive thoughts and energy sent our way. It has really helped just knowing everyone is out there thinking of us and praying for us. Love you all!!!
1. Halloween was super hard.
2. Wedding Anniversary was hard.
3. Thanksgiving was hard.
4. Christmas is going to be very hard.
5. Shane's 33rd birthday he isn't going to see is going to be hard.
With that said, I am doing the best I know how to keep functioning... Using my sometimes insane sense of humor to be the best mom I know how to be for my children... And missing him like hell everyday. The old saying, "One day at a time" is very applicable right now. Thank you everyone so much for the prayers and continued well wishes and positive thoughts and energy sent our way. It has really helped just knowing everyone is out there thinking of us and praying for us. Love you all!!!
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
What the hey...
We just got home from baby WT's 18 mo check up at the doctor... He is only in the 3rd percentile on weight and the 7th percentile on height but his head circumference is in the 95th percentile... And as his big bro RT says he is "PRECIOUS"... but the doc just says he is "petite" like his mom (LOL - I think she was mocking me and I almost hit her) (Seriously) (NO SERIOUSLY)... So 4 shots for WT, 3 shots for HMac, and a flu-mist for RT and we were OUT... Few tears from any of them. HMac said it hurt so bad, but all he could do was laugh uncontrollably...
Note of interest: Ohio State fans are some of the most dedicated fans in the entire world... I am not saying that is a good thing or a bad thing but being an "outsider", and by that I mean not being born in the great state of Oh-io, it is something that is super hard for me to comprehend... I think children here have no choice other than to be Ohio State fans... Their parents do not let them choose a favorite team when they are old enough to make that decision, rather they burn the Ohio State fight song into their brains by repeating it like a lullaby or a favorite book... It is the most odd thing I have ever seen... Case in point - a little boy in the waiting room at the doctor's office was screaming at the top of his lungs, "Ohio State rocks - Penn State sucks!".... I mean screaming, very very loudly... He could have only been like 5 at the oldest, he couldn't have come up with that on his own, someone older like a responsible adult had to teach him that... I have no problem with his statement other than the fact there were small children present and he was screaming the word "SUCKS!"... I am just burning mad by the time he left... His parents didn't even act like it was a big deal.. and well that just SUCKS!!!!
On a much more serious note my best friend's mother-in-law passed this morning... Our sympathy goes out to that family... It was a long battle and now she is at peace... So sadness here but great happiness on the other side... Leave it to me to facebook her a very cynical comment... My way of dealing - sympathetic humor... I am really good at that... Some people really don't like that, some find it hysterical... And as all of my close friends know... I know no other way to be besides hilarious...
OK enough ranting... Any irks on your mind?
Note of interest: Ohio State fans are some of the most dedicated fans in the entire world... I am not saying that is a good thing or a bad thing but being an "outsider", and by that I mean not being born in the great state of Oh-io, it is something that is super hard for me to comprehend... I think children here have no choice other than to be Ohio State fans... Their parents do not let them choose a favorite team when they are old enough to make that decision, rather they burn the Ohio State fight song into their brains by repeating it like a lullaby or a favorite book... It is the most odd thing I have ever seen... Case in point - a little boy in the waiting room at the doctor's office was screaming at the top of his lungs, "Ohio State rocks - Penn State sucks!".... I mean screaming, very very loudly... He could have only been like 5 at the oldest, he couldn't have come up with that on his own, someone older like a responsible adult had to teach him that... I have no problem with his statement other than the fact there were small children present and he was screaming the word "SUCKS!"... I am just burning mad by the time he left... His parents didn't even act like it was a big deal.. and well that just SUCKS!!!!
On a much more serious note my best friend's mother-in-law passed this morning... Our sympathy goes out to that family... It was a long battle and now she is at peace... So sadness here but great happiness on the other side... Leave it to me to facebook her a very cynical comment... My way of dealing - sympathetic humor... I am really good at that... Some people really don't like that, some find it hysterical... And as all of my close friends know... I know no other way to be besides hilarious...
OK enough ranting... Any irks on your mind?
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Another week gone...
Mom only left a couple of hours ago but I feel like she has been gone for weeks... We had a really good time while she was here and after consoling the children for over an hour this morning when they woke up and she wasn't here, things seem to be getting back to normal. I am sure the babies will be tired and groggy all day tomorrow when their usual non-grandparents routine starts back up so I feel super bad for Ms. Tracey tomorrow... I am sure they will be mean and grumpy all day... Hopefully there will be only a few fights and no casualities tomorrow.
Anyway, we enjoyed the Circleville Pumpkin Show on Friday night. It was a lot of fun! Mom enjoyed seeing all of the different things that could be made out of pumpkins and the HUGE pumpkins on display there. The winner of the show was almost 1,400 lbs. Insane, right? The kids played games and rode tons of rides. We all had a really good time. Yesterday was shopping day w/moms. We shopped all day!! Spent way too much money but a successful day nonetheless... A local Borders bookstore has tons of children's books ALWAYS on clearance. So once every few weeks the kids and I hit it up to get new reading material for them. We spent 30.00 yesterday on 120.00 worth of kids books... Our new fav being... Encyclopedia Prehistorica: Dinosaurs This book is absolutely insane. Our kids really like dinosaurs and pop up books... This book has the BEST of both worlds. The pop ups are intricatley designed and just beautiful. The kids are flipping over this book and so am I. I would HIGHLY reccommmend this book for anyone of any age.
Today it is off to the pumpkin patch to get our carving pumpkins for display so that should be an experience... I will post pics as soon as I can... In the meanwhile, have a great week!
Anyway, we enjoyed the Circleville Pumpkin Show on Friday night. It was a lot of fun! Mom enjoyed seeing all of the different things that could be made out of pumpkins and the HUGE pumpkins on display there. The winner of the show was almost 1,400 lbs. Insane, right? The kids played games and rode tons of rides. We all had a really good time. Yesterday was shopping day w/moms. We shopped all day!! Spent way too much money but a successful day nonetheless... A local Borders bookstore has tons of children's books ALWAYS on clearance. So once every few weeks the kids and I hit it up to get new reading material for them. We spent 30.00 yesterday on 120.00 worth of kids books... Our new fav being... Encyclopedia Prehistorica: Dinosaurs This book is absolutely insane. Our kids really like dinosaurs and pop up books... This book has the BEST of both worlds. The pop ups are intricatley designed and just beautiful. The kids are flipping over this book and so am I. I would HIGHLY reccommmend this book for anyone of any age.
Today it is off to the pumpkin patch to get our carving pumpkins for display so that should be an experience... I will post pics as soon as I can... In the meanwhile, have a great week!
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Long week...
So with the boys gone this week I have had a ton of downtime... What did I get accomplished in this downtime? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! I am lucky to have even washed a load of dishes, and that doesn't even count because the thing was loaded before they left. I finally just decided to get off my lazy butt and do it today because they will be home tomorrow... So the dreams of getting all of the things on my "TO DO" list will continue to wait, so be patient little fellas.
Hubby and I went out to dinner last night at a new place for us... We wanted to go somewhere grown up since the kids were not here. I had seen the place a hundred times and just figured it was some kind of redneck bar from the looks of the outside but once we walked in it was a pretty swanky place. The food was good, the atmosphere was good but the only thing I couldn't take my eyes off of was this... And this is totally true... There was a lady sitting in the booth just to the back left of hubby. She was very elderly to say the least... And I swear for the first ten minutes I didn't even notice but she had a dog on her lap.... YES A LAP DOG!! In an upscale restaurant.. And he had his paws ON THE TABLE... I am so serious right now, not even joking... Now I like other people's dogs (kind of), but overall I just think they are dirty and gross. Another couple walked in the door just as said dog was all up on the table and they were grossed out too!! The manager said it was a "service dog" but I promise this was just an old lady's lap dog... I told hubby the only way this was a "service dog" was if it was for depression/loneliness and it kept her from being that way... A service dog of happiness... I am all for dogs to help people with whatever their needs may be, but this dog was a poodle/shitzu/wiener dog at best... Oh and the best part it had a PINK outfit on that said "service dog" on it in curly italicized font... To me that says happiness like nothing else.
Oh and the other most rockin' thing we saw last night was a car with a wood board in the back window that was painted to say "Obama 08"... Now that is dedication... This person didn't even take the 5 minutes to drive to the local Democratic party's office to get a sticker, they hand painted a sign on a large plank of wood and stuck the projectile in their back window. They are willing to take a 2x4 in the back of the head for Barack. Awesome!
Tailgating today was fun! It was nice to get out, the weather was beautiful and the dedication of the OH-IO state fans is unbelievable... I did make the mistake of wearing my staple black t-shirt today, to the dismay of our hosts. I didn't realize that Purdue's colors were black and gold, I thought they were navy and gold. I would have worn something red but hubby is very appalled by the thought that we may match. We cannot ever wear the same colors at the same time. It is cute, as if that says about us that we love each other too much. He is just weird sometimes... Aren't we all?
Hubby and I went out to dinner last night at a new place for us... We wanted to go somewhere grown up since the kids were not here. I had seen the place a hundred times and just figured it was some kind of redneck bar from the looks of the outside but once we walked in it was a pretty swanky place. The food was good, the atmosphere was good but the only thing I couldn't take my eyes off of was this... And this is totally true... There was a lady sitting in the booth just to the back left of hubby. She was very elderly to say the least... And I swear for the first ten minutes I didn't even notice but she had a dog on her lap.... YES A LAP DOG!! In an upscale restaurant.. And he had his paws ON THE TABLE... I am so serious right now, not even joking... Now I like other people's dogs (kind of), but overall I just think they are dirty and gross. Another couple walked in the door just as said dog was all up on the table and they were grossed out too!! The manager said it was a "service dog" but I promise this was just an old lady's lap dog... I told hubby the only way this was a "service dog" was if it was for depression/loneliness and it kept her from being that way... A service dog of happiness... I am all for dogs to help people with whatever their needs may be, but this dog was a poodle/shitzu/wiener dog at best... Oh and the best part it had a PINK outfit on that said "service dog" on it in curly italicized font... To me that says happiness like nothing else.
Oh and the other most rockin' thing we saw last night was a car with a wood board in the back window that was painted to say "Obama 08"... Now that is dedication... This person didn't even take the 5 minutes to drive to the local Democratic party's office to get a sticker, they hand painted a sign on a large plank of wood and stuck the projectile in their back window. They are willing to take a 2x4 in the back of the head for Barack. Awesome!
Tailgating today was fun! It was nice to get out, the weather was beautiful and the dedication of the OH-IO state fans is unbelievable... I did make the mistake of wearing my staple black t-shirt today, to the dismay of our hosts. I didn't realize that Purdue's colors were black and gold, I thought they were navy and gold. I would have worn something red but hubby is very appalled by the thought that we may match. We cannot ever wear the same colors at the same time. It is cute, as if that says about us that we love each other too much. He is just weird sometimes... Aren't we all?
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
I know...
I am bad once again... I get it OK.. So I am not good at this.. There are tons of things going on and I constantly think of topics for my blog, but I am just never ever able to get it down on "paper." The kids are in TN with my parents for the week and hubby is in Las Vegas having fun.. I cannot seriously remember the last time I was home all alone, it has to be around 2 years... I am sick which is status quo when I am alone... It seems as if my body decides that it likes to be sick when it has a few down days... Awesome right!?!? Here is the infamous list of fragmented thoughts... ENJOY!!
1. I have been doing P90X for a couple of months now.. Let me say that it is a terribly hard work out!! Now let me also say while I have been experiencing awesome muscle definition, I am slowly losing the battle of the bulge, let's just say I am having a hard time with the "diet" part of it... (I love soda sooooo much!! **I would marry soda if I could!**). So first 5K last April, more to come, but for now working on strength training... I have actually lost a lot of inches so I can't complain.. I am fitting into pre-baby # 2 clothes.. Which I am super happy about... so all the weight I gained with my last 2 pregnancies - UM GONE!!!!!!! Nice... Now just gotta get abs in tippy top shape and I will be the happiest girl on the planet.. I think!?!?
2. Looking forward to Oct. 14th - Ray LaMontagne's new CD comes out... I can't wait!!
3. We just got back from a wedding in STL.. We had a really good time.. Our summer home there needs lots of work so hopefully we can get that under control soon.. And we are debating taking it off the market for a while and renting it.. Scary but two house payments are scarier...
4. McCain / Obama - Obama / McCain?!?!? Seriously, I can't decide... I know I am horrible but I am just not happy with either one.
5. My best friend Lia is now a stay at home wifey... JEALOUS!! Still love you though and hope you get that dog...
6. Do you ever just read recipes for hours and then never make anything? I do.. Does that make me lazy? I think so..
7. The kids are awesome!! We went to St. Augustine, FL on family vaca this year and had a blast.. It is a really nice place to visit.. Very non-touristy in comparison to the other places we were thinking of visiting and the house we rented was super nice... The beach off the deck - awesome!! I promise we could be sitting on the beach or deck ALL DAY and maybe, maybe two people would walk by... It was so great and relaxing.
We will be decorating for Halloween this weekend after we get home from tailgating at the Ohio State game v. Perdue this weekend.. If we can still stand.. So the kids can at least come home to something exciting.. Mon will be staying for the whole week next week... Oh and PUMPKIN SHOW is next week in Circleville.. and YES we will be there...
OK that is it for now... I am going to try to revamp the site soon!! We need a new computer at home.. One that is a little more up to date... I think I killed the old one..
1. I have been doing P90X for a couple of months now.. Let me say that it is a terribly hard work out!! Now let me also say while I have been experiencing awesome muscle definition, I am slowly losing the battle of the bulge, let's just say I am having a hard time with the "diet" part of it... (I love soda sooooo much!! **I would marry soda if I could!**). So first 5K last April, more to come, but for now working on strength training... I have actually lost a lot of inches so I can't complain.. I am fitting into pre-baby # 2 clothes.. Which I am super happy about... so all the weight I gained with my last 2 pregnancies - UM GONE!!!!!!! Nice... Now just gotta get abs in tippy top shape and I will be the happiest girl on the planet.. I think!?!?
2. Looking forward to Oct. 14th - Ray LaMontagne's new CD comes out... I can't wait!!
3. We just got back from a wedding in STL.. We had a really good time.. Our summer home there needs lots of work so hopefully we can get that under control soon.. And we are debating taking it off the market for a while and renting it.. Scary but two house payments are scarier...
4. McCain / Obama - Obama / McCain?!?!? Seriously, I can't decide... I know I am horrible but I am just not happy with either one.
5. My best friend Lia is now a stay at home wifey... JEALOUS!! Still love you though and hope you get that dog...
6. Do you ever just read recipes for hours and then never make anything? I do.. Does that make me lazy? I think so..
7. The kids are awesome!! We went to St. Augustine, FL on family vaca this year and had a blast.. It is a really nice place to visit.. Very non-touristy in comparison to the other places we were thinking of visiting and the house we rented was super nice... The beach off the deck - awesome!! I promise we could be sitting on the beach or deck ALL DAY and maybe, maybe two people would walk by... It was so great and relaxing.
We will be decorating for Halloween this weekend after we get home from tailgating at the Ohio State game v. Perdue this weekend.. If we can still stand.. So the kids can at least come home to something exciting.. Mon will be staying for the whole week next week... Oh and PUMPKIN SHOW is next week in Circleville.. and YES we will be there...
OK that is it for now... I am going to try to revamp the site soon!! We need a new computer at home.. One that is a little more up to date... I think I killed the old one..
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